Be careful, DON’T go there…..no, neither there!
Independence is formed through trust. First, we as parents must trust ourselves, then along with this trust we trust our children and in return they trust themselves.
The child needs space, freedom and no indications that most often stem from conditioning rather than from presence. Beyond our fears there is an automatic iceberg of behaviors, so often the prohibitions, the constraints and the desire to control come from this area rather than the conscious moment or from love.
When I was a child I was the most easy-going from the neighborhood, chubby from all the sitting and reading, I moved only if something was really interesting. I was rather an observer, fascinated by everything that moves as long as I did not have to move. As I grew up, things started to change and I metamorphosed into a monkey. I climbed on anything, natural or artificial, trying every ascending, and I often came down… and from the “top” …
My seating and reading reflected in that period the cost of my abilities as a climber … and it was hefty, broken bones, bruises, and laceration…yet so much fun in it. Today, the memory of my repeated attempts with gravity reflects a different cost … in fear. Not that I would fall, but … that Sara will, who apparently inherits Gabriela’s mobility and ability. She rarely stops to observe, however for a little while, only to learn a new technique, and then immediately begins to apply it. And so, in front of the apartment building, Sara has discovered how she can climb the stairs to get on a high platform, equipped with slides at the ends. Wonderful, I say, there it is how quickly she learns, smiling with joy for her new skills. And yes, I was afraid and I cut in from time to time, but I knew how important it was for her to deal with it by herself, thus quickly becoming again the observer.
In such a climbing day, Sara decided that speed is new, worthy of her interest, so not only she was climbing rapidly but she was also launching at a full jump on the wooden platform raised to 2 meters above the ground. Only that speed has its cost. Sara, launched transiently on the wooden platform completely missed the braking at the end of it and left my field of vision to land directly on the ground.
It is amazing how much information you can process in a few splits second, how many mental projections pass through the mental screens while you are running towards your little child who has fallen from the height. Well, sometimes fears come to life. Sara fell to earth and I was running towards her. I took her in my arms while she was crying. Among sobbing and caresses, I reviewed her entire body, making sure that everything is ok.
She cried for a while in my arms, after that she calmed down and nestled in my arms. All this while I was listening to her moans and whispering that I was there, with her, for her. Through all my words I also said: _ Sara is safe with daddy.
Suddenly she stopped crying, looked me into the eyes and replied:
– No, Saia (Sara) is not safe with daddy”, after that she put her little head on my shoulder and continued crying.
Beyond fear, there is confidence, in what is as it is, in itself, in the others … Our fears are often simple or intricate projections of possible hazards, only that the projections take over quite fast. It is up to us to get out of screenings and focus on what is as it is. Sara fell and probably will have the opportunity again in my vicinity. It’s up to me not to let fears loose. Sara is safe with her father, but not with his fears.
P.S. Gabriela does not have my fears with her Sarah has never fallen down, instead, with me, there have been 3 such landings so far, coincidence, isn’t it?
Sara: 2 years and five months