I must admit that the originality of the question does not belong to me. In fact, Gabriela asked Sara this question and her answer amazed me.
Gabriela realized that the action that represents love statements to us might not be interpreted in the same way by the child due to its lack of specific in communication. In other words, our children are not integrating them as love messages unless we meet a minimum set of conditions.
The first would be the connection with the child, it is by entering in her/his world with the entire range of content that this entails. Sometimes, children need some translations, otherwise our actions might flow around them without any notable impact.
The second condition is the physical contact. At almost each hug, Sara shows both her appreciation, and the duration of the contact between us, because a recent phase is that one of “Saia is big now, she’s all grown up now” (she is a big girl now), therefore she’s in control.
A third condition, generated by the first one, is the observation of the child’s need in that precise moment. We can solve other small problems, a wrong tone of voice or any previous refuse, but the connection is with “Here and Now”, and from that derives our current need of the child near us.
After I asked the same question to Sara, her answer was a true copy of the reply given to her mother:
This was received with a wince heart, but immediately followed by another question:
-Sara, what can daddy do to make you feel I love you?
Her answer, again a true copy, was:
-A biiiig heart.
So, we drew together big hearts and small ones, all to answer the need to generate a connection between us.
Thank you, Otilia (Mantelers). Along with other parents, in your classes, I have realized the importance of constant connected involvement in the evolution of the child near us and the one inside us.
Thank you, Gabriela, here is a new lode of cheerful parenthood discovered through you.